Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Still crazy after all these years


Today i am going to tell you one thing about me, that you don't know,
otherwise I am an open book.  I rewrote this sentence at least
50 times, because I feel i am better now, but there is
no sugar coating this, i suffer from depression.  Yep
thats right me, i went to that dark place about
3 years ago.  Just a few months before i retired.  I
was overwhelmed, with my sisters death, my
mothers grief, her moving here, my family
problems, i couldn't cope.  I started
falling asleep at work (not a good thing to do),
i was so tired i could not get out of the
car, sometimes, i would just sit
in the driveway and sleep.  And
worst of all i was closing my eyes while driving.
That's when I reached out for help, first
to my doctor, who got me started
on a regiment of pills, and then
to a therapist to talk it out.  I can tell you
she helped me the most.  I was trying to be
everything to everybody, and nothing to me.  I went
on sick leave from work, until i retired.  And finally
months and months later i started to feel like
my old self again.  Why am I spilling my guts out on
the Internet you might ask yourself, that's so
private.  But its not , today in Canada it is
Mental Health week, and if this touches someone
anyone, who thinks god I am like that, see
someone, it can make a world of difference.
Okay that's the end of my touch feely story, and now its back to reqular business.

14 comments:

  1. I think it's great that you shared this. Who knows who it might help. I'm glad you're doing better and found the right people who could help you.

    PS - I like the face you did.

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  2. I echo what Janet said. Thank you for sharing.

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  3. Thanks for sharing, Lee. It can be such a hard thing to talk about. I did 3 years of talk therapy and 18 months of anti-depressants, and then a major lifestyle change and 2 years of feeling pretty good with no treatment, but the old familiar paralyzing feelings started coming back this fall. this time I recognized it a lot sooner and knew what to do! (my wake up call was my son asking me three different times in one weekend if I was okay. he's only ten. i thought i was faking it pretty well. guess not. i called the doctor the next morning). thank goodness for modern pharmaceuticals, skilled mental health practitioners, and a boat load of art to get us through dark times.

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  4. Lee, I suffered from depression myself and for many of the same reasons as you. I just discovered recently just how dramatic loss is and how devastating unexpressed grief can be. Makes sense it has to go somewhere, keep doing the good things you are doing for yourself and Im always here to listen even if I"m not blogging. You can find my email address in my profile(I think)Blessings and happy trails!

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  5. I get the feeling that it was very hard for you to post about this Lee. So brave of you to do so and so important that those of us who have had some experience of depression talk about it openly. As you say, it can help someone else who may be feeling alone and isolated. Bless you. xx

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  6. Hi Lee...you were smart to seek help when you did. Doing your art should be theraputic as well. I like this face...it tells lots of emotion. Thanks for sharing your story, I know it couldn't have been an easy thing to do.
    Mary

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  7. Hi Lee. I know how much courage that needed to do! I have been there, around 19 - deep depression - no fun! I got help too have been in depression again after the traumatic birth of no 3. And first now, since last year I fight really for myself - for being me which helps to not get into depression and you also can be there for others, but first is me, than the others (except in sick times with the kids and even than I need recharge time). So I am all with you, supporting you on your way to be you and enjoying life!!!! For me, my art is a huge help and the eastern way of thinking combined with the western style.....unfortunately being depressed is not accepted in society, not even here in Germany. But maybe slowly but surely it will be accepted and society has to think about human dignity and grace more. Or start teaching how to take care of oneself in a good healthy way.
    Smiles and hugs, Anke :)

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  8. Thanks so much for posting about this topic. It was generous and kind of you to share your story for the benefit of others.

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  9. Wow, Lee...what a great reason to share: to reach out during Mental Health Week! I am so happy for you that you were able to use medication and therapy to return to your "old self". I think there are a lot of people who find relief in these ways, and from art and community; it all works together, doesn't it?

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  10. Good for you for telling us about this. Its so important to uncover the taboo of depression and how it affects people.

    I get mildly depressed ever since my parents death and the trauma I had over that. Grief is amazingly powerful and I dont think we even realise just how awful it can be and its effects on people. Take care and thanks again for sharing.

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  11. ps I started doing art in the months after their death and I think it saved my lfe literally as the art was such a release! we gotta keep drawing and creating!

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  12. Wow--I wonder if there is there some connection between the depression and the falling asleep?? I am diagnosed with depression and have to take pills because i fall asleep at work and while driving!! It's funny how we have both had some of the same symptoms. I thank you for sharing your experience with depression. I think it is important to get this stuff out in the open where hopefully we can help to demystify some of the negativity often associated with mental health issues.

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  13. Wow--I wonder if there is there some connection between the depression and the falling asleep?? I am diagnosed with depression and have to take pills because i fall asleep at work and while driving!! It's funny how we have both had some of the same symptoms. I thank you for sharing your experience with depression. I think it is important to get this stuff out in the open where hopefully we can help to demystify some of the negativity often associated with mental health issues.

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  14. Wow, when you alluded to having a secret to share, I thought it was going to be something like:

    I killed someone once -or-
    I used to be a man -or-
    Cubic zirconia looks just LIKE a real diamond! ; )

    I admire your bravery in bringing this up, because obviously it is painful and maybe it embarrasses you? IT SHOULDN'T. There are more of us out there than you could ever know, so it's good that we can tell each other and support each other, and now thank goodness it's becoming more socially acceptable than ever before. Mine isn't depression, it's anxiety, but it's the flip side of the same chemical imbalance. Basically we're all nuts - but maybe that's what makes us such awesome people and great artists. Own your "illness", because it's just a regular flaw that a LOT of us share, like uneven boobs or hairs growing in weird places. Can't help it, but we can talk about it, find the humour in it, and be there for each other.

    Big hugs to you!!!!

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